Monday, September 21, 2009

movie recommendation

i HAVE NOT seen the new michael moore movie titled, "Capitalism: A Love Story".
i have read about it, and seen michael moore on the jay leno show. based on this, i will see the movie. i also believe the movie is worth seeing. one cannot have an opinion about a movie if one has not seen the movie, or so i have heard. i have also heard from people who refuse to see the movie. and they have an opinion. this i DO NOT understand.
michael moore has a reputation for fact-checking everything in his films. on top of that, those facts are available publicly. still if one cannot see their own nose, one cannot see their own nose.
if you see the film, i am interested in your opinion.
further info may be found at:
the film has already won some film festival awards. this means what it means.
you decide.
good luck.

Friday, September 18, 2009

The Chance Of Pants

The Chance Of Pants

At some point in your life, you will fall or nearly fall while attempting to put on your pants or underpants. This is simply a fact of life.

This fall may be serious. You may break a hip, or your head, or your nose, or something else. And of course you’ll have to explain to the emergency room people just how this all happened.

If you’re lucky, this fall may not be serious at all. In fact, if you’re really lucky, you’ll catch yourself before you fall, and only blurt out a few choice expletives.
This is the preferred outcome.

So how is it possible to predetermine when this might happen? It is next to impossible. We think we’ll always be 25 years old and forever able to jump right into our pants and underpants, with one leap, both legs at a time, while splashing on aftershave. Well, enjoy this fantasy as long as you can my friends.

When you’re ready for reality, we’ll try to figure out how we got to this point.
I’m pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that leg openings on underpants have been increasingly shrinking. At least you can tell yourself that one. Perhaps we simply can’t lift our leg the way we used to? Or bend over as comfortably as we did ten years ago?

We all have our reasons. I noticed the other day while attempting to first put my foot then my leg through my underpants that something had changed. My little toe was getting snagged and my leg didn’t remain up as long as my brain had asked it to. I began falling forward. The edge of the sink was rapidly approaching. I was stuck falling in mid air, or so I thought, until I figured out I’d better just let go of my underpants before my head comes in contact with the edge of the sink. It occurred to me at that moment in time that maybe, just maybe, if I sat down on the toilet and then put my underpants on, that this would be a much safer way to proceed.

Needless to say, it works well for pants too. But how did I get to this point? For as long as I can remember, I’ve been putting on my pants and underpants while simultaneously standing up. And by the way, on one leg!

I keep telling myself, “I’m the guy who did a marathon, on skates!” Then I remember that was nearly ten years ago. I drive a golf cart around town now. Or walk.

There is a bit of a transition period. One can, carefully, lean against something solid to put on one’s underpants. This is not as safe as sitting down, but it’s not as dangerous as trying to balance oneself on one leg at a time either. Sometimes I try this. Sometimes I sit down. I find the sitting down to be safest. But still, how did I get here? Seems like only yesterday I was 16 years old with no cares, aches, or pains. I’m two for three now. I have no cares, thank goodness.

Aging is a fact of life just as death is, although I like to call that “the transformation”. You call it whatever you desire. It is inevitable that we won’t run a 4-minute mile too many times in our life, if even once. We will not be able to always put on our pants standing up. We won’t be able to drive ourselves around town forever. Our hearing will diminish. Our sight will decrease. And as time goes by, we’ll basically fall apart and begin rotting from the inside out. Not to worry. It’s simply nature. We all go through it. Ain’t none of us gettin’ outa this life alive. Dust to dust. We might as well accept it and deal with it as soon as possible. Complaining and worrying only makes it worse. So, what’s the point here? That is for you to decide. It is not my job to make everything OK for you. I’ve got plenty to do just putting on my pants.

In the meantime, one must find comfort and guidance wherever it is discovered. Best of luck.

On YouTube under “franklandfields”
Copyright frank landfield
September 18, 2009

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

link of the day

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Under Where?

Under Where?

For many people, underwear is not their most important concern in life. There are other considerations like, career, health, relationships, children, grandchildren, money, leisure time, retirement, shoes, bags, books, yada, yada, yada. Few people I know consume themselves with finding the perfect pair of underwear.

For me, this is my life quest.

I long to find underwear that is not continually trying to hide itself up my crack. I dream of underwear that stays in place from the moment I put it on to the time I (or somebody else) takes it off. I pray for underwear that won’t chafe my bits. And I cannot find underwear in the colors that I want.

I have noticed, quite by accident, that women have many more choices when it comes to underwear. Ever seen a men’s underwear section in Victoria’s Secret? Me neither. Perhaps we need a new store specializing in men’s underwear called Hugh’s Secret?

What exactly makes a perfect pair of underwear? For starters, it should be available in colors that you actually want. I am so totally bored with black and white and gray! Obviously it must also fit perfectly. It should be comfortable ALL DAY, and it should stay put, and it should cradle your privates like the finest of baby carriages. It should also breath and be moisture wicking.

There are a few different cuts of men’s underwear. There are boxers, briefs, and something called a boxer-jock, which is kind of a combination between a boxer and a jock strap. These come in 3”, 6”, and 9” lengths. Don’t ask. Do tell! They can be seen at, Until recently, I never knew they existed. And now, I sing their praises!

I am currently wearing the 3” boxer-jock, and I must tell you it is heaven! They are completely supportive of my junk, and they are breathable AND moisture wicking!
Prior to my discovery of this underwear, I’d tried just about everything that Hanes and Jockey offered. Nothing satisfied me. I didn’t realize that what I really needed was specialized athletic underwear. Just as there are cars and there are cars, there is underwear and then there is UNDERWEAR.

You could drive a Prius or a Honda or a Ford, or you could drive a Bentley. My underwear is a Bentley. It’s roomy and comfy and responsive and firm and supportive and safe, and I just cannot find the words to tell you what a pleasure it is to finally wear this underwear. This is something you will have to experience for yourself, preferably in the privacy of your own home.

Again, the website is This brand is not easily found in stores. Still I wish more colors were available. I have written the company suggesting/requesting they make more colors available. As consumers I believe the only way we’ll get what we want is to ask for it. Even then we probably have a 50/50 chance at best.

I feel now that my lifetime quest has come to an end. I have found the underwear of my wildest dreams. My fear now is that they’ll stop making it. Sometimes in life this is the case. You find something you love and can’t live without only to discover that they stop making it.

If you are anything at all like me, and if you are then I strongly recommend immediate long-term professional care, I believe you will LOVE this underwear as much as I do. It remains one of life’s greatest pleasures to know that underneath it all, your underwear is coddling you just the way Grandma did when you were a tiny baby, and that everything will be OK.

I recommend
They have not compensated me in any way to say that, although I wouldn’t turn down some free underwear, thank you very much.

As always, you may see my films on YouTube under “franklandfields”.

Peace. Namaste. Enjoy.

September 9, 2009

Friday, September 04, 2009

Thank You Mr. Prostate...

...for another healthy year.
At some point, somebody, somewhere, or most likely a whole committee of somebody's, decided that men (I) need to have my prostate checked annually, which basically means a finger up my ass. For those of you who need this spelled out, f-i-n-g-e-r/u-p/y-o-u-r/a-s-s.
This is important and I'm going to tell you why.
Turns out about 1 in 3 men, a third, will have prostate problems. This could be cancer or simply an enlarged prostate and the complications from that. Prostate cancer kills way too many men, and a lot of those deaths are preventable by "early detection". The good news is prostate cancer, when caught early, is quite treatable. Still, many men do not get their annual exam, so I am here to tell you my experience, and to CONvince/assure you that it's not that bad, and thoroughly (OK, 99%) worth it.
Realistically, what's the big deal about a finger up your ass for about ten seconds?
If you've never tried it, then you cannot say you know what it feels like, or that you don't like it. YOU HAVEN'T TRIED IT! It's all mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!
So yesterday was my annual exam. I happen to like my doctor and this makes things much more comfortable. The exam is literally about ten seconds long. I know this because I'm counting the whole time it's happening, while simultaneously pretending I'm on the beach in Hawaii, sipping an exotic drink out of a coconut. This is really no big deal.
Some would say the blood test afterward is harder. You know, where they stick a giant dull needle in your arm and draw blood. Part of the annual exam is this blood test. They are checking your PSA level to make sure that is normal. Your doctor can explain this all to you much better than I.
I'm simply here to recommend that you get your annual prostate checkup.
Think of it as an oil change. You want your car to run healthy, right? And I'm sure you want your body healthy too.
A prostate exam is probably easier than a colonoscopy. You only have to do that about once every five years or less. And you're sedated! But it is more costly. And just as necessary.
Look, it's all part of life. And after all, don't we all wanna live as long as we possibly can? I mean as long as we can still go to the bathroom by ourselves and wipe our own you-know-what? So getting your prostate checked will help you live longer. And it's only once a year.
I find that after my checkup, if I treat myself to a fancy lunch, I forget all about the exam, almost.
So do yourself and your loved ones a favor, and get your annual prostate checkup. It could save your life.
I've already made my appointment for next year. :-)

Peace. Namaste. Enjoy your life.

My films can be seen on YouTube under "franklandfields"